life.. as it is

as a little kid
he doesnt play with conventional toys little boys love like guns,cars..
not that he likes girly things like dolls.. his only toys are stories..
fairy tales to be precise.. some read..some told by others
but most of them self imagined..


he is not the one like anybody would pull down his knickers in public..
but the only one who would not laugh when somebody else's knickers are pulled down..


that little kid believes in angels.. and sometimes laughed at by other scientific kids..
he stays awake whole night waiting for HIS angel


not that he is loner or something..
he is capable of being the center of attention.. but there is something missing..
he is not a loser.. ALWAYS the first runner-up but never a winner
someone who is ALWAYS liked but never loved..



one day he sees a little puppy in a crowded street..
looks at it for a couple of minutes and then takes it with him..
there is something cherubic in that puppy..
the kid takes care of it.. spoonfeeds it..
he tells it stories that he himself believed.. of angels', of God, of good over evil..
he thinks that it, unlike everone else,understands..


and one day puppy's master appears out of blue to reclaim it..
though the puppy loves the kids' pampering.. seeing its master immidiately jumps into its master's arms..
the master takes it back..


but the boy still believes in angels..
and stays awake whole night..

Every few months or so i call Nannu to ask if she has lowered her
expectations for her future Mr. PERFECT.
And every time she would retrench a few qualities but i am still too
far away to match the criteria.
I have proposed her more than 80 times in last eight years and going by
this pace i think it will take me 800 more years to fit in.


On another rainy day i called Tia hoping if she has changed her mind
or rather Bhavesh has changed his mind or perhaps Bhavesh's parents have
rejected her for being too outspoken or modern compared with their geeky son.
'Bhavesh's parents are not very happy with me doing this job' she said.
'My parents would accept you in any case' i replied.
'Shutup'
If anything was worth 784 rupees of phone bill spent on calling 18 different
people just to get her number, it was that SHUTUP.


Then i called Sneha to check if things have changed at her end.But she is
still crazy for her boss,though her boss sleeps with a different girl every
week.

I will wait for some more time, i thought.

'hiee.. howr u and how were ur holidayz'

'hey.. all cool.. i slept like twenty hours daily for the whole month' she replied with a tone like she still needs some more naps..

'and how is Bhavesh.. is he in town'

'i dont ..know'

'u ..u dont know..then who knows'

'i dont wanna talk about him.. let him go his way..'

'u cant be serious' i said with a mix bag of emotions.

'yes ..i m serious..he doesnt deserve me..its over now..'

'then give me one chance'

'what are u talking about'

'u know what i m talking about.. i am not saying this for the first time..'

'exuse me.. i just had a break up.. u should be rather sympthetic'

'ya.. i should be sympthetic, ..and pretentious,show that i understand.. ..and wait for a few days and then propound this..

she was dumb-struck by now..

'..look u've known me for years..
..dont think'

more silence..

'ok imagine me for him for just one minute..
..and say whatever comes to ur mind..
..whatever.. ..for one minute'

56
57
58


'come out of your freaking world.. we are already late' my room-mate shouted pulling the fusty blanket off my face..

the daylight almost blinded my eyes..

'how mean.. ..how selfish'i chastised myself..
'but atleast in imagination.. ..' i smiled superciliously and closed my eyes to concoct a happy climax.

the way you always sipped strawberry shake from my glass..

the way you never wore your sweaters and always asked for my jacket..

the way you would lean on my shoulder and sleep the whole journey..

the way you took me to gurudwara and said a little prayer..

the way you would laugh on my pj's..

the way you never allowed me to touch you..

the way you called me names..

the way you pretended to be happy seeing me off..

the way i never asked and you never told..
it mus..

'... you cant just make me fall for you and walk away like this'i said, seriously for the first time..

'what are you talking about' she said rather naively..

'what was everything meant for then...'
'.. the coffees, the movies, the phone calls..'

'excuse me'

'.. why were you there everytime...'i said looking desperate..

'because i thought..' she took a killing pause..
'... '
'.. i thought we are friends..'she said low-pitched..
' i thought you are my friend..'
'.. i thought i could share with you not my happiness but my fears'
'you understand me..'
'i thought you are not like other guys'
'but i was so..'
'.. so wrong'

'look..i ..' i tried to interject, but she did not allow me..

'i dont know about you..' she continued..
'.. but i have lost something today'
'i have lost a friend today'


'but i..' i again tried.

'shutup..' '.. just shut up, for god sake'
a tear trickled down her cheeks as she said this..

i stood there, unflinching..
my eyes still arid..

'i would be Mrs. Verma'
'i would be Mrs. Bhavesh Verma some day' she said displaying heena on her cute little wheatish hands..

'you will come to my wedding na' she asked showing non chalance..
'obviously.. .. how could you marry without the groom' i said condescendingly..
'shutup' she said more like shuaathhuuuup

shut up then seems like the best compliment of my life when she says it..
i feel like continuing my tomfoolery so that i could have some more shutup's
mei bakwaas karta jaaoo
aur woh shutup kehti jaaye..

where would you go after your marriage' i asked
'to his place ..stupid'
stupid is the next best adjective for me..

'that means to jungle'
'shutup'

'imagine what your baraat would look like..'
'it will consist of all the junglie people..'
'and they will not be wearing any clothes.. only leaves' i was saying..
'shutup'


'okay come here.. i know you have sacrificed your breakfast for this assignment' i said while opening a tiffin..
'aaloo ke paranthe' she shows the same exclamation for any type of food when she is hungry..

'you are too good.. '
'.. you are the best' she said, her mouth already packed with food.
'thats why i say na.. .. marry me' i said.
'shutup'

Labels: love

a new city.. new people.. no one knows us here except each other, i and atul,my room-mate.
and i cant live without McDee's burger and CCD's mocha coffee, so we patronised the bistros there also.

wherever we go... couples were swarming all around..
looking at ourselves we were the only two-guys out there..
a sense of gay-hood was pouring out of us..
we need to be with girls..

so both of us, in our own ways embarked on Mission Girlfriend..

start with local buses..

a girl sitting beside a balding man, i am standing beside him..
the man gets up and starts arguing with the conductor..
i get to sit beside the girl..
Formula : start the conversation..
'these old man they just come to fight' i said.
'he is my dad' she retorted.
i got down the bus on next stop, although not my destination.

another day, another girl beside me.
'can u tell me where is this Sector 34' my punch-line.
'i dont belong here' she replied.
'where are u from'
'i am from shimla'
'wow.. i am also from shimla'
Formula : get familiar..
(although anything i could i remember about shimla was from ninth standard school trip)
'where was your schooling in shimla' she asked.
'chepsely international' (i'd seen hoarding of this school.)
'really' she exclaimed.(it got to be a good school, i guessed from her expression)
'ya'
'you know what.. its a girls only school'
bus stops and i get down.

no more local buses..

outside a cyber cafe a girl incessantly kicking her scooty..
'is threre some problem' i asked..
Formula : lend a helping hand..
'i am getting late and this..' an exasperated face said.
'where do yo wanna go'
'i have a class'
'can i drop you...'
'hmmm ok'
on the ride i asked how we will get your scooty fixed, emphasising on word WE.
' you dont bother i will ask my boyfriend to get it fixed'

7:30 in the evening,chilling wind,freezing temperature..
a girl standing alone against the fountain..
'its getting colder everyday'
Formula : talk about weather..
'there is nothing unusual with it' a quick reply.
'yes there is .. and i can explain that on a cup of coffee'
'what after coffee' she asked.
(the conversation was getting good, i thought)
'anything that pleases you..'
'do you have a room' she said before even i completed.
'ya i and atul share a room'
'hmmm.. for two its going to be costly' she said as if offering a business proposition.

so much so..
my failure rate was never so high..
mission girlfriend was failing terribly..

and then..
then I SAW HER..
and nothing was same again..